April is my birthday month. And this year it's a big birthday for me. It is the big 4-0.
How did I get here?
How am I turning 40? Say it isn't so.
Let me backtrack a bit. Let's talk about the year I turned 20. I was never that person that was oh-so excited to enter my 20's. Even back then, I guess I recognized the value of my youth. I remember on the eve of my 20th birthday, I was lamenting to my college roommates that I would no longer be a teenager. I was leaving my teens. And entering my 20's. Sniff.
Fast forward to the year I turned 30. For some reason, turning 30 was never a big deal to me. Maybe it was because I was distracted with my wedding. Basically I turned 30 on April 16th. And then on April 17th, I got married. So...yeah. I had bigger fish to fry that year. I was in the middle of planning a wedding and my honeymoon, and I was enjoying newly-wed bliss. Turning 30 never really bothered me.
And now, here I am. Ten years later. And I am about to turn 40. It's not an age I want to be. After all, that means I am half-way to 80. Wowser. And it means that people in their 20's look at me as "that middle-aged un-cool woman." How can that be? I still think of myself as young. And I am definitely way cooler than I was in my 20's. Ask my husband. He will tell you.
Turning 40 also means that people are often calling me "ma'am". . What to the what? I am not a "ma'am." That sounds so...matronly. In fact, when the man at the bank happened to called me "Miss" the other day, I wanted to give him a kiss. Sadly, those days of being called "Miss" are few and far between. So I will take them when I can get them!
Anyway, instead of lamenting about turning 40, I am going to try a different tactic. I am going to embrace it.
At this point in my life, all those crazy insecurities from my 20's and 30's have disappeared. I now own my own thoughts and feelings, and I am confident. I could really give a flying flip what people think about me. (Okay. Well - maybe I do care. Just a little bit.) But - most of me says, "Like me. Or don't. Take me for who I am. Or don't." That feels freeing to say. I don't need to please everyone. I just need to please myself and be happy with who I am.
I also have to look at where I am in my life. I am married. I have two kids. I have a house. I have a job. I have a great group of girlfriends. I am healthy. What more can I ask for?
So. Here I am. I have just a little more than two weeks with being able to say I am 39. And I am okay with that. I am ready for the next decade. Bring it on. Let's make this happen.